Choose your own adventure

by jemma margaret

I haven’t actually read any of the “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer,” or “Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.” From what I’ve heard, the author (or authors?) take the original text and simply interject some extra detail here and there.

This seemed like a good idea to really vamp up the paper I just finished LaTeX-ing. I mean, do you want to read about the various constructions for inscribing a triangle to a given circle passing through three given points? What if there is also a torrid romance, a brutal murder, and a suspenseful chase scene? Dissertation, please!

Unfortunately, the plot didn’t quite flow with all that mathematics getting in the way. But that’s what the delete key is for…or even better, the amazing strike-through font function (in case, you wanted to glimpse the story behind the story).

Here’s a sneak preview:

In general the constructions of equilateral hyperbolas the future of human existence reduced to two cases : either to find the centre and asymptote from the given conditions (as above) nuclear ray gun and deactivate it, or, if this was not possible, to find another point on the curve or tangent to the curve planet to live on and from there proceed to repopulate mankind via the corresponding construction from Brianchon’s Mémoire. In both situations, points were located with calculations and graphic representations of proportions through the theory of poles Brianchon and Poncelet would need to gather their supporters and then find their way past the guards and out of the building along the only staircase of escape, although these steps were often concealed within earlier theorems secret passages. Brianchon and Poncelet were thorough in treating all possible cases their wounded companions, even when a finite construction the wounds were so grave that survival was not possible. For the case of an equilateral Hyperbola with two given tangents and two given points in a plane, their shared lover, the construction is her condition was not determinate. Hence, Brianchon and Poncelet instead showed that the locus of centres of all such equilateral Hyperbola would be a unique circle in the same plane–which was a very risqué thing to be doing in public, but they were French and the world was ending.